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Pokemon Go Player Breaks into Pentagon to Catch Snorlax

Arlington County, Virginia - A fifteen-year old boy named Ernest Compton managed to sneak past the high-security Pentagon Force Protection Agency in order to capture a Snorlax, one of the rarest Pokemon on Pokemon Go, the augmented reality mobile game. When the gamer-turned-criminal was asked if he regrets his actions, he stated,“I knew the risk going in and adding that sweet sweet Snorlax to my Pokemon Go collection was absolutely necessary. So what if I have to spend a few months in jail or if I have slightly jeopardized my ab​ility to get into college? I have a Snorlax! Ten out of ten - I would do it again.” He reiterated that his main concern was not being able to train the Snorlax from

Sweetgreen Introduces $30 Fresh Goat Head Salad

LOS ANGELES – In keeping up with diet fads, Sweetgreen unveiled their newest Instagram worthy salad on Monday, claiming that it's the most Paleo and Keto friendly thing they've done in months. LA regional manager William Power had this to say," This is next level freshness. We rip their heads off in store." Asked where they got the idea Mr. Power said, "My partner and I got trashed wasted at Pappy and Harriets over in Pioneertown, we staggered outside and found a cute little goat petting zoo. That's when we realized people absolutely love goats!" We asked self-proclaimed foodie David Villa why he paid $30 for his, "I'm always looking for the latest and greatest. I'm actually one of the few

Happy National Internship Day!

Ok it's actually National Administrative Professionals Day, but who really knows and/or cares? Right? Anyway, today's contribution to the Ramble is a music video I made to honor those brave Men and Women who worked a desk for free. Follow Danny Dalah: Facebook Instagram Youtube Twitter

Neighbor Agrees With What Sign Says, Except For The Part About Science Being Real.

LOS ANGELES - Maureen O'Donnell shared her concern about her Neighbor's sign after watching a video a coworker forwarded to her earlier in the week. "It was this eye-opening video on YouTube detailing the farce that was the lunar landing." She added, "I kept watching all the suggested videos and let me tell ya, these are the videos the mainstream media don't want you to see." She went on to say, "YouTube has opened my Third Eye...I can say without hesitation that the earth is flat." When presented with scientific evidence that climate change is real she had this to say, "The ice caps are not melting, that's an illusion perpetrated by Elon Musk to get you to buy his cars."

California Bans the Sale of Hacky Sacks Ahead of Earth Day.

OAKLAND - Avid Hacky Sack player and Phish fan Mark Rosen outside of his favorite head shop. “I’m incensed!" Yelled Rosen who smelled like Nag Champa. “California is really testing me. I understand going to the more expensive summer gasoline blend to combat pollution, but this...This is where I draw the line.” We asked April Clark, a representative of the California State legislature what drove them to the ban: “Discarded Hacky Sacks contain micro-plastics that don’t break down. They end up in our waterways and in the stomachs of fish.” Rosen wasn't pleased with what Clark had to say and declared, "I'm moving to Texas man...but like Austin though."

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