FBI Raid of Clinton Compound Uncovers Proof of Trump Voodoo Doll

CHAPPAQUA, NY—A plumber going by the pseudonym Joe discovered the Voodoo Doll while snaking a drain in the upstairs bathroom of Bill and Hillary Clinton's upstate New York residence. "I texted the folks at Newsmax when I saw that poor old boy's head peeking out of a file cabinet." Newsmax alerted the FBI and aired a cryptic chyron:

Trump, ironically, could face jail time for attempting to overturn the 2020 election. Joe, who voted for Trump in 2016 and 2020, felt uneasy about taking the job at the Clinton compound. "I needed the damn money but knew I had to stay vigilant because I'd heard rumors of Hillary wandering the woods and practicing witchcraft after losing the election. Still, I didn't think too much of it because there's so much horse (expletive) out there." Clinton's lawyer, Emilia Cohen, called the raid "a witch hunt and an invasion of privacy." She added, "We believe Joe the Plumber overstepped his duties by entering a room unrelated to his job and rummaging through personal belongings. The Voodoo doll in question is a gag gift sent by donors of the Clinton Foundation. Mrs. Clinton is in no way responsible for Donald Trump's legal woes."