New York Times Dismisses Rogue Courtroom Sketch Artist
MANHATTAN, NY—The attorneys for Donald J. Trump cried foul when they discovered an alternate rendering of the former president on the artist's personal Instagram account. The post went viral on Monday, forcing the Times to dismiss the contractor who sketched for them on several other high-profile cases, such as the E. Jean Carroll sexual assault case.
Trump attorney Joe Tacopina lauded the firing, saying they have reason to believe the sketch artist belonged to ANTIFA. "On his Instagram, we noticed he had a PDX tattoo. That's short for Portland, OR, where ANTIFA is headquartered."
The anti-fascist group once prided itself as a decentralized network of political protesters, but more recently, it has become a centralized movement with a top-level commander nicknamed 'Pansy,' after the early 90s gay punk band Pansy Division that has taken root at an adult bookstore in downtown Portland. Commander Pansy himself answered the 800 number for the group but was hesitant to divulge any information unless we agreed to Venmo him $10 for a Chai Soy Latte. Three and a half hours later, Commander Pansy returned our call. "Never heard of the artist, but that's some funny shit," he said before hanging up the phone.