House GOP's Plan to Balance the Deficit Hinges on Sales of Hunter Biden Tees

WASHINGTON, DC—Marjorie Taylor Greene introduced a new plan to "Save America" in congress. The Georgia representative, also known as M.T.G., says she has the votes to pass her visionary plan called the LAPTOP ACT. "We've made so much progress in saving America since we took office after the 15 votes to swear in speaker McCarthy. Not only will we expose Hunter Biden's dealings in Ukraine, but we'll also use his likeness to ensure our youth have a future in this country." A company in the Zhejiang province in China underbid for the contract, edging out a Union print shop in Ohio. The Chinese shop made headlines six years ago for producing neckties for Donald Trump's clothing line. Embattled House Speaker Kevin McCarthy applauded the act, "I think Marjorie is the brightest person I've ever met. Her tenacity and creativity will help take America back to the '50s when everything was normal and nice. This bill will balance the budget in two years and help de-evolve us to when Americans didn't have to worry about silly things like E.V.s, Catalytic Converters, or C.R.T."

House representative Alexandria Ocascio-Cortez D-NY decried the plan, "The math simply doesn't check out. You'd have to sell two trillion of these stupid T-Shirts. Even if the democrats came out with a Tee of, say, Matt Gaetz holding hands with underage girls, we'd need an additional trillion dollars in revenue. But then, who really wants to wear a shirt with a real-life caricature from Beavis and Butthead? I'm voting no on this bill."