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  • Mervyn Cole

The Buffalo Bills 'Mafia' Begin Tryouts in the Niagara Falls Walmart Parking Lot

NIAGARA FALLS, NY––Nicknamed The SkyJacker, Jack Petermen, 39, tells the men trying out to become members of the Bills Mafia that he is of no relation to Ex-Bills Quarterback Nathan Peterman. Peterman, a former 5th-round QB, threw five interceptions in one half, resulting in a member of the Bills retiring at halftime. "That other Petermen didn't have what it takes, gentlemen. And he wasn't the only one! While the other teams in the 2004 draft scored great QBs like Cry me a Rivers, Ben Rapethisburger, and some Manning. We got stuck with a guy named J.P. Loseman. But it's ok, now we have Josh Allen, and the Chiefs don't have Tyreek Hill, so we jump, gentlemen. We jump onto these fold-out tables I got on sale here at Walmart." The crowd roars with excitement as the SkyJacker climbs onto the bumper of someone else's car. A Bills Mafia hopeful lays on the discounted fold-out table in anticipation of the bone-crunching aerial assault. Before leaping into the air, the crowd chants, "Nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills!"

Twenty new members passed the initiation and must now jump at 8-9 home games per year. Two left the parking lot in an ambulance with concussions, with one also believed to have suffered a broken clavicle. Four others received treatment on site for minor injuries.


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