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  • Mervyn Cole

Pete Davidson Clones Ready to Sleep With Every American

TIJUANA, BC MX––A purported former textile factory on Avenida Valle de San Antonio is the site of one of the most extensive human cloning operations in history. Giancarlo Noto, a native of Staten Island, NY, cashed out of the once lucrative Crypto market to start B.D.E. Inc. A human cloning outfit designed to offer people their perfect mate. "I started Big Dick Energy because I grew tired of always hearing about boring dates from women who were clearly dating men with low T. Pete ghosted us when I pitched this to him, but since he is from my hometown, I was able to collect some of his D.N.A. from a reliable source. I don't know; maybe he'll come around someday on this. He's perfect for this. He has a sex drive the size of Mount Vesuvius."

The legal ramifications are muddy as no entity has ever used someone else's D.N.A. to make a clone army without consent. B.D.E. did testing in the resort town of Cabo San Lucas, where they were well received. The U.S. can expect the Clones by late Summer, "We're still figuring out logistics. We may have to smuggle them by Tunnel. The first wave is basically freeware. If all goes as planned, we'll be anticipating a lot of orders in the fall and winter."

Pete Davidson Clones in Cabo San Lucas, Baja California Mexico


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